Phase I: Generation of Fighters

Well, first of all, thank all of you who have written, texted, called, emailed, or sent care packages in the past few weeks. I'm still trying to find the words to say thank you. I know, me at a loss for words, but it happens. But, most of all, I just want to thank you for checking up on me and letting me know how much I'm truly loved and appreciated. It’s your words, encouragement, and care that keep me going physically to make it through this. Ya'll are truly the amazing and strong ones. I'm just a by product.

I wanted to take this time, after all the tests and doctor appointments, to let you know exactly what has happened with me in the past few weeks. I left to meet my family in Omaha after leaving Colorado. Having the opportunity to hang out with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and people that I grew up with helped me realize that I'm not just fighting this thing for myself. Everything that they invested in me from birth still hasn't made itself evident yet. Stories about me and how they trained me to be the man that I'm supposed to be humbled me and made me take self-inventory.

There I was able to find the depository of generations of fighters. Those who went through various struggles that was able to make me stand on my own with the support and pillars of them who went through far more than I have. It was pretty cool. Physically, it was exhausting. I'll be perfectly honest. But, I'm finding that if you have the mental and spiritual strength, you find this super human strength that allows you to keep going beyond what you can normally do. I was able to make it through my first disappointing news that most of you heard about with the CyberKnife technology treatment, after thinking I was a candidate and finding that I wasn't after building my hope up that I was. Four weeks and I'm done with a little rehab to help rebuild my shoulder. It was literally the first time I had cried since I found out this battle I'm in. Flying away with hope, only to find it temporarily placed in yet another setback was extremely hurtful. The doctor was extremely cold and referred me to another doctor that couldn't see me from October 21st until 31st. Ten whole days with no treatment or explanation or guidance.

Thankfully, I was able to get one of the top 10 doctors in the country who specializes in my type of cancer within 48 hours. After a barrage of questions for him and getting decent, realistic answers, I felt like my hope was coming back. That next week truly put my faith to the test. Last Monday was supposed to be my relax day, but it turned into an internal battle of peace and anxiety for what was to come. Tuesday, they conducted a bone marrow biopsy, which is nothing more then a needle going into your bone, pulling fluid out, and then a piece of your bone without you moving. Worst pain of my life. Let's just say it’s a Charlie Horse that lasts about 20 seconds, but you can't move your body at all with fear that the needle could break. Yea, it sucked. Still sore with lack of movement in my leg and my right shoulder, I went into surgery Wednesday to place a port for treatment in my left shoulder for chemo and anything else that dealt with blood. So, by Thursday, I had no use of my shoulders, a bum leg, and a lot of drugs flowing through my system. But thankfully, I had a reservoir of strength to pull from.

Halloween Friday will never leave my memory. Not for the pain of all the tests or the tumor, but for something good. The results came back from the bone marrow completely clear of cancer in the bone, placing me with the reality of less aggressive chemo and future pain for months that wouldn't get me back in time. It meant that I can almost look and feel better than I did when I first got here. I'm still wondering on that looking better part, especially if there's no where else to go but up. Haha. Just kidding. But that in itself opens up so many possibilities for faster, stronger, and more effective improvement than what I and the Colorado doctors expected. They placed me at least in stage 3 or 4, which meant 7 months of chemo and radiation after that. But, you don't know what you don't know.

So, this week is my week. Few phone calls, texts, and emails. I'm going to enjoy the week and the beautiful 75 degree weather, along with my family. Most importantly, no studying for my classes. (Sorry teachers! I appreciate you all though!) After weeks of sleeping 3 and 4 hours at a time, I finally slept a full 8 hours without any interruption. This will be the many of the great small steps that will lead me back to the onramp to Colorado. Keep your heads up.

Rev.

An Early Departure

Normally my blogs come later in the week, but I felt I needed to do this now. As of last Friday, I’ve literally watched my life change before my eyes. UNC won our Homecoming Game. We tailgated in a rain/snow mix. And most importantly, I got the results back from 3 weeks of shoulder trouble last Friday. It just so happened that I’ve been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which is a treatable type of cancer, which has placed itself around my shoulder. Some felt I just needed to leave the Rev. Chronicles behind altogether and get better, along with some feeling it was too personal to talk about on a public website. I just couldn’t do that. These blogs are updates of my life as a senior and this just happens to be apart of my experience here at UNC.

Mainly because finding all of this out, dealing with it personally, spiritually, and mentally, I still had to find a way to make some decisions regarding my school work. I still plan on graduating in May and that is what is driving me to do so. I sat around Sunday night and started to think had I finished in 4 years and working on my MBA at another school, would I be able to have the same amount of personalized attention that I have here there? Honestly, the answer is no. From the Dean’s office to every professor, they have all worked with me in ensuring that I get better first and keep my academic goals a priority as well. In a matter of literally 36 hours, my academic success had been ensured that I won’t miss a beat in my classes. Instead of having a traditional lecture, I’ll just be able to finish the latter half of my course work online. With all the changes that came up in less than a week, I’m humbled that they believe in me enough to be able to trust that I can handle treatments and tests at the same time.

I’ve bragged about how I think UNC is a great place thus far. This just solidified it for me. Yes, there are problems like in any institution, but there are also great people that make up that institution, big or small. The amount of help, support, and motivation that as come in the past few weeks I truly believe is offered to any student who is in a predicament. You choose UNC because you want the attention and not to become a number. However, I’m still surprised every time I get it because I don’t think I deserve it. The rest of my blogs for the semester will be coming from Tulsa until I return in the spring. Instead of campus experiences, it’ll be transitioning from going to class to signing on to class amidst life changing situations. Through it all, I still believe that Bear Pride can be seen in Sooner and Cowboy country.

Homecoming 2008!

Homecoming 2008! It’s finally here. The last memorable tradition at UNC before graduation, that brings a community together. Yep. The excitement is definitely in the air despite midterms. Why teachers and the university haven’t worked out an agreement to give us a break to participate is still amazing to me. The majority of us has full course loads, work at least 20 hours per week, and are still expected to be super in the classrooms academically and involved in our Bear Pride initiative. Something has to give. My Greek friends and others are operating on less than 6 hours of sleep to make this university look good on Saturday. It’s amazing.

This blog is going to be a tad shorter than normal. Not because of studying for tests (which I have), not because of the craziness of homecoming, and nor is it due to friends going through life altering events that needed a bit of my attention. It is simply due to the fact that I’m typing with one arm. The shoulder has caused me to miss a lot of class and other events. I’ve grown quite weary of doctors and poking me to find out what’s wrong. The one humorous side of all this is that I had my first biopsy yesterday, without my family. I was informed that my mom was trying to catch a same day flight at 7 am in order to be with me for my 1:30 appointment. Thankfully there are a lot of great people around to take care of me. Sounds sappy, but those people make this special for me. I’ll keep you all posted when I find out more. Keep your head up.

Rev.

The Purpose of Homecoming

What an amazing two weeks! Since I’ve last talked to you guys, two football games have gone down to the wire, my brother came into town, and a torn shoulder muscle have all been apart of my life since Family and Friends Weekend. Not too mention, I went through the first half of midterms last week, with the second half this week. It’s just hard to believe that this year has flown by so fast. One of the ways that I was quickly reminded how fast it went, was the emergence of Homecoming Royalty application deadlines yesterday. Yep, I totally spaced it.

However, I’m cool with not filling out an application for Homecoming Court. I feel my recognition is coming on May 9th. I’m content knowing I worked in several areas around campus and helped countless of students. That’s recognition enough for me. But understand that I had it in high school. Some people didn’t get that chance to be recognized by the people they served and sacrificed themselves for their organization. They deserve the recognition so much more than I do. They have gone above and beyond the call of duty, and been extremely more involved in campus life than I. They are the visible ones that you see on a daily basis of this university. I’m behind the scenes and I like it. The attention isn’t for me. Well, sometimes and my friends know why and the circumstances that can override that.

Seriously though, make sure you look at the Homecoming Royalty 2008 class. Participate in the activities for it’s only a week and a half away. This is my last homecoming here as an undergraduate. Wow, I’m still trying to embrace my mind around that. Four down and the last coming up. I remember watching those Royalty members my freshmen year, thinking in the back of my mind that I could never do a fraction of what they did for this campus community. Needless to say, I befriended most of them, picked their brains, and was able to organize my vision for this university. It wasn’t always right, but it was at least a start. Not a single person is perfect that will be on Court this year, neither in years to come. The way to get there is to inspire others, getting involved, and doing the best you can to be successful, however you see fit. President Norton told us last week that we make up this university. It is through your motivation and drive that develops this place to be one of the best in the country. Get started now and I promise you, others will be knocking down the door to nominate you.

Can You Handle It?

Are you ready for some football?!! My last Family and Friends Weekend and the opening home football game and I’m still as excited as I was my freshman year. This year is going to be a bit different because some of my closest friends, who are now alumni, will be hanging out with me to watch the game. Tailgating, seeing people I haven’t seen in months, and just taking in the atmosphere of a campus united with the unveiling of another football season is just amazing. It’s definitely unexplainable and requires it to be experienced.

As I’m actually preparing for the game now, I started to think that after all the games that I’ve been to this is probably one of the most special to me. I talked with some of the players earlier this week and they are just as excited as me. Not going to lie, it’d be nice to have a winning season on my last year, but most importantly people and players are getting along. People are excited to be apart of UNC. It’s an honor to see because it wasn’t here when I started. It was difficult to get Bear Pride off the ground and now that it has momentum, I can enjoy the game with enthusiasm with so many others now. What else can you say but, GO BEARS!!

In case of emergency.....

This may sound petty to you, but this has really made my Tuesday! I’m not too happy with UNC right now. Here’s the reason why. So we have this new text message emergency system that is supposed to be campus-wide and alert all of those who signed up for the service in less than 5 minutes. Well, the test run was today and lo’ and behold, I’m working in the office when the test is going off. The office phone rings, as well as my boss and others in the office. Then, the other student workers got the luxury of getting a text message from UNC. I was the only one left out of the group! What’s up with that?! But, I’ll get over it and continue to tell myself that every new thing has to work out the kinks and find its way. Hopefully you’ll get that later.

On a brighter note, I had an opportunity to be in the first meeting for the Black Student Alliance this year. Sitting there watching the freshmen figure out why they’re there and what they can offer is truly an amazing thing to see. Better yet, I think the amazing thing for me was literally being able to sit there and actually be a regular member and almost pass the torch off to the new generation of leaders on campus. It was an amazing thing to watch their hope and ambitions hit the ground running, while they tried to set plans of action to get the rest of the group engaged. That my friends, is no easy feat yet it is essential to development.

I’m looking forward to just offering advice and guidance when asked, rather than having the responsibility of making sure everything goes at least somewhat as planned. The challenge I’m giving myself is to see how long this sit back and watch game is going to last. Hopefully it will last until at least until May 8 because my graduation is definitely not going to be one of relaxation.

To My Out-of-State Students...

Normally I find a way to encompass everyone when talking about my experiences here at UNC. However, I now understand the challenges of not being around your family during difficult times. I spent my first Labor Day away from my family last year, which is also the first holiday that most students from out of state who struggle with because they can’t just get in the car and drive home in two hours. Thankfully, I was able to surround myself with my friends last year to help me pass the time and not think too much about it. But, this past weekend, my entire family on my mom’s side was able to come back to Omaha and have our own mini-family reunion. Everyone made it back, except me and my brother, who is active duty military. To have my family, which includes my cousins, five aunts, and two uncles and their spouses, in one city eating together and hanging out with each other is definitely a task in itself. As you can see, a big family produces strong family ties and bonds.
At the same time, amidst family time and connection via the speakerphone on my cell, I was able to be a part of it in my own way. Unfortunately, speakerphones don’t replace the elements of being there with your family when crisis arises. Though my parents and other family members attempted to keep me up-to-date with the latest news and updates, it felt like it wasn’t enough. I just wasn’t there. As sappy as it sounds, I wasn’t there to comfort the people that made me who I am today. It’s tough and it’s a difficult place to be in. You want to do, but you can’t do what you want to do because of a thing called distance.
Yet, when the dust settles, you find out how strong those family ties and bonds truly are when you’re away. Not only that, it forced me to take a step back and ask myself some pivotal questions. What would I do differently to prevent the situation? What were their reactions? Was my reaction too over the top? Despite the hundreds of questions and scenarios that ran through my mind, I was able to come to one humbling question. Did my family invest in me enough to be strong through this, without them being there? Not to brag, but my family did an amazing job getting to where I am today. They gave me the necessary tools and most importantly, the hope that I can get a college education. That is their top priority. After talking to them, they reassured me that I’m not excluded, but my role has now changed.