Phase I: Generation of Fighters

Well, first of all, thank all of you who have written, texted, called, emailed, or sent care packages in the past few weeks. I'm still trying to find the words to say thank you. I know, me at a loss for words, but it happens. But, most of all, I just want to thank you for checking up on me and letting me know how much I'm truly loved and appreciated. It’s your words, encouragement, and care that keep me going physically to make it through this. Ya'll are truly the amazing and strong ones. I'm just a by product.

I wanted to take this time, after all the tests and doctor appointments, to let you know exactly what has happened with me in the past few weeks. I left to meet my family in Omaha after leaving Colorado. Having the opportunity to hang out with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and people that I grew up with helped me realize that I'm not just fighting this thing for myself. Everything that they invested in me from birth still hasn't made itself evident yet. Stories about me and how they trained me to be the man that I'm supposed to be humbled me and made me take self-inventory.

There I was able to find the depository of generations of fighters. Those who went through various struggles that was able to make me stand on my own with the support and pillars of them who went through far more than I have. It was pretty cool. Physically, it was exhausting. I'll be perfectly honest. But, I'm finding that if you have the mental and spiritual strength, you find this super human strength that allows you to keep going beyond what you can normally do. I was able to make it through my first disappointing news that most of you heard about with the CyberKnife technology treatment, after thinking I was a candidate and finding that I wasn't after building my hope up that I was. Four weeks and I'm done with a little rehab to help rebuild my shoulder. It was literally the first time I had cried since I found out this battle I'm in. Flying away with hope, only to find it temporarily placed in yet another setback was extremely hurtful. The doctor was extremely cold and referred me to another doctor that couldn't see me from October 21st until 31st. Ten whole days with no treatment or explanation or guidance.

Thankfully, I was able to get one of the top 10 doctors in the country who specializes in my type of cancer within 48 hours. After a barrage of questions for him and getting decent, realistic answers, I felt like my hope was coming back. That next week truly put my faith to the test. Last Monday was supposed to be my relax day, but it turned into an internal battle of peace and anxiety for what was to come. Tuesday, they conducted a bone marrow biopsy, which is nothing more then a needle going into your bone, pulling fluid out, and then a piece of your bone without you moving. Worst pain of my life. Let's just say it’s a Charlie Horse that lasts about 20 seconds, but you can't move your body at all with fear that the needle could break. Yea, it sucked. Still sore with lack of movement in my leg and my right shoulder, I went into surgery Wednesday to place a port for treatment in my left shoulder for chemo and anything else that dealt with blood. So, by Thursday, I had no use of my shoulders, a bum leg, and a lot of drugs flowing through my system. But thankfully, I had a reservoir of strength to pull from.

Halloween Friday will never leave my memory. Not for the pain of all the tests or the tumor, but for something good. The results came back from the bone marrow completely clear of cancer in the bone, placing me with the reality of less aggressive chemo and future pain for months that wouldn't get me back in time. It meant that I can almost look and feel better than I did when I first got here. I'm still wondering on that looking better part, especially if there's no where else to go but up. Haha. Just kidding. But that in itself opens up so many possibilities for faster, stronger, and more effective improvement than what I and the Colorado doctors expected. They placed me at least in stage 3 or 4, which meant 7 months of chemo and radiation after that. But, you don't know what you don't know.

So, this week is my week. Few phone calls, texts, and emails. I'm going to enjoy the week and the beautiful 75 degree weather, along with my family. Most importantly, no studying for my classes. (Sorry teachers! I appreciate you all though!) After weeks of sleeping 3 and 4 hours at a time, I finally slept a full 8 hours without any interruption. This will be the many of the great small steps that will lead me back to the onramp to Colorado. Keep your heads up.

Rev.